What You Do

My neighbor told me once that when she was young, her own father had molested her for many years.  I asked her if she thought it was pure evil that led him to do such a thing.  She said she thought it was total selfishness.

Something clicked in my head.  Yeshua saved us — from our selves.  From our self-ishness.  He showed us the Way to sacrifice our selves — our selfishness, our ego.  He showed us the way toward selflessness.  In that way of selflessness, we come closer to God.

In the Gospel of Mary Magdalene, the author of the book reports that Peter asked Yeshua (Jesus), “What is the sin of the world?”  Yeshua answered, “There is no sin.  It is you who make sin exist when you act according to the habits of your corrupted nature…what you do takes you further away.”

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Group Energy

I went to a well-known psychic in my town once, to see what she was all about.  She told me that my family has a “group energy”.  Well, that’s for sure.  There definitely is a group energy, or group dynamic, in my family…but isn’t that the case with all families?  Come to think of it, there’s a group energy with any group — not just with families.  In some cases, you might call this a “mob mentality”.

You have to be strong enough not to be led blindly by this group — by any group.  Even if it’s a group you love, like your family, or your church.

As the preacher says in Ecclesiastes, there is but one Shepherd we need to follow.

First Impulses

Sometimes, when I talk with someone or observe someone, my first impulse is to be annoyed.  I’m realizing: this, too, is a form of judgment.

Train yourself so that the first thought that jumps into your mind about someone is not judgment, but…

compassion.

Compassion first.  Not judgment.

This goes for my attitude toward my children, as well.  I mean, when I’m automatically annoyed with something they are doing or saying, I need to wait a beat.  Take a breath.  Call on my reserves of patience.

This re-training will take some discipline and time, but I am up to the task and so are you!

NOW

I’ve been meditating a lot these days — or at least a lot for me!  Maybe two hours a day, either two hours straight, or an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon.  I feel like I’ve been making some progress, or rather I’ve been allowed to make progress.  It’s been very very good!  And hard to explain.  But it’s like being taken in, like being held.  It’s very comforting, but not in a sleepy way.  It’s very energizing — like electricity is flowing through my blood.  My nose opens up really clear — like my nose is tingling and I’m breathing electricity.  It’s definitely like a Way is opening.  I have to force myself to breathe slowly and to stay calm.  Sometimes I think I see my Teacher approaching in bright blue light…

I feel like the major challenge, as always, is to keep the thoughts out of my head.  Always, as if to derail me, the thoughts push their way into the experience, interrupting everything.  Sometimes, if I focus on my breath, I can get things back on the rails, and sometimes the enemy wins.  Lots of times, I can feel myself or some element trying to force what’s happening into a narrative…or even my brain jumps in with an unrelated story about some random and usually weird thing.  But do I have to be a slave to a story?  A slave to words?

This has to stop: you can’t be a slave to a story.  As we’ve been told by all our English teachers, a story has a beginning, middle, and end.

But all there is, is NOW.  You’re NOW.  I am NOW.

Time overlaps — it’s all now.

The past, the present, and the future…are all now.

Fully Human

In the Gospel of Mary Magdalene, she writes that Yeshua “is calling upon us to become fully human”.  Again later she writes, “Therefore let us atone, and become fully human so that the Teacher can take root in us.  Let us grow as he demanded of us…”.

What does it mean to become “fully human”?  She is clearly saying that, at least in part, we must “atone” in an effort to become fully human.  That is, make amends for our sins.  That is, humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness when we are in error.

I have been wondering too if “to become fully human” might also include a process of emptying out all our selfishness and moving toward total seflessness.

Recognize opportunities to sacrifice your self because this sacrifice of your self will bring you closer to God.  Maybe being more and more selfless brings you closer and closer to the Lord your God.

Jealousy

The Gospel of Mary Magdalene has been excluded from the Canon of the Bible.  But as the person who Yeshua chose to appear to first after his Resurrection, it seems her book should not be ignored.  On the contrary, it should be read carefully.  It seems the Christian community has never really understood what Yeshua was saying about women.

In her book, she mentions that Yeshua taught her about the “Seven Manifestations of Wrath.”  The fourth of these manifestations is “lethal jealousy”.  I think maybe this is one of the things that Judas Iscariot got mixed up with.

We have to be willing to be a servant.  We have to be willing to never receive any recognition for our work.

If thoughts of recognition or jealousy come into your mind, let them pass by like balloons in the wind.  Their strings hang down within your reach, but do not reach out and grab onto these thoughts.

Do not allow yourself to identify with these thoughts.  Do not attach yourself to these thoughts.  Just thinking a thought, doesn’t mean anything — unless you reach out and claim that thought as your own.  Let it float past.  It has nothing to do with you.

Choose Loyalty.  Let go of ego.